The disappointment trio: a Hetalia unit fanfic
by Doskun
Summary: When a self-proclaimed hacker, a gentlemanly cook, and an innocent-looking mafioso orders Hetalia units, hell breaks loose. Rated T due to some unit's mouths. Based on LoliDictator's manuals, might add some other special units (Hitman!America, Pirate!England, etc)
1. Intro, the disappointment trio

Houji Ivanov (A.K.A Emu)

175cm, male

Russian/Chinese but raised in Japan

Likes: hacking/blackmailing(*cough cough*), manga, emus, salty chips, swearing(especially Russian ones), ketchup

Dislike: English Vocaloid covers, carrots, ignorant people, Cheetos, cooking, anime adaptations, Jake's scones

Personality: Extroverted introvert, can create evil aura due to being half Russian, a massive troll (he's actually mature but just acts like a manchild)

Appearance: black hair, light gray eyes

* * *

Jacob Bélanger (A.K.A Jake)

170cm, male

British/French, raised in Britain

Likes: cooking(does it like a pro-chef, only weakness is scones), Harry Potter, being a very posh gentleman, guitar, books, making bad puns, anime

Dislikes: having his guitar pick getting stuck in his piano, swears, swimming, short clothes

Personality: posh gentlemanly, quiet, polite

Appearance: albino (white hair covering one eye, pinkish-reddish eyes)

* * *

Serena Florentino

163cm, female

Spanish/Italian, raised in Italy

Likes: pasta, knives, being a workaholic, anime

Dislikes: Being told what to do, tests, asparagus

Personality: classic dorodere

* * *

Appearance: Long brown hair, heterochromia

Jacob sighed as he stared at his MacBook screen.

"_Bloody hell, I hate pop-ups, all I was trying to do was search up some sheet music," _

he thought. "HOUJI, COME HERE!" he yelled.

"COMING!" replied Houji as he tossed his manga aside and ran down the hall.

"Alright comrade, a pro techie at your service. What's the problem?" said the Asian.

Jacob sighed again at his best "comrade"/housemate's flamboyant attitude. " Pop-ups," he said.

The "techie" sat down on Jacob's bed and took one look at the computer screen, it was COVERED in pop-ups. Out of all of them, one caught Houji's eyes. "_Ooooh, Hetalia units~ No harm in ordering some." _Houji filled in Jake's info when he wasn't looking and snickered softly. Jacob suddenly snapped his head to his computer screen and yelled " HOUJI, WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK IS THIS SORCERY-", as Houji's snickering turned into full-scaled laughter. Serena peeked her head in and said in a confused tone " Can't a girl polish her knives in peace? And what are you laughing at?" At this, both boys gulped loudly and explained the whole chaos because they certainly do not want any of Serena's knives at their throat. Serena giggled like a 10-year old girl and said " Well, I don't see the harm in having a few more housemates! Besides, our house is freakin huge(1)! Oh, by the way, how many are coming?" The male duo started sweating and chuckling nervously, each expecting the other to break the news. Finally, Houji responded. "I-It s-said anywhere f-from ten to a-a h-h-hundred units…" he said. Both boys were ready to run for their lives as Serena's face darkened significantly.

"Well, Houji? In the mafia, a mistake such as this is unacceptable, and as a consequence, you might be tortured or possibly killed, but because I've known you since grade 5…."

"WAHHHHHHHHHH! I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WERE GONNA BE SO MANY! SPARE ME! AHHHH! JACOB HELP!"

Jacob sat back and watched the show with 3-D glasses and a mysterious box of popcorn that appeared out of thin air. "Well, if you may please excuse me, I'll be cooking dinner in the kitchen…"

"Can we have pasta?" Said Serena with sparkling eyes

They had pasta because Serena's eyes can possess people.

~ 2 day time skip brought to you by mouthwassh~

Let's just say that the morning started with chaos.

It all started when the doorbell rang.

"WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND RINGS A BELL AT SIX IN THE MORNING!" Screeched a furious Jacob who obviously hadn't had his morning cup of tea yet. He stomped down the stairs while having steam literally come out of his ears, which even made Serena cower back in fear (just conjure a mental image). He opened the door and started yelling at the poor delivery guy. Trust me, getting yelled at by a steaming albino at 6 in the morning is not something you want to experience. When Jacob realized that he was yelling, he frantically apologized for his "ungentlemanly" attitude. The seemingly unfazed delivery man just asked for his signature and went back to his van with "Flying Mint Bunny Corporation" stuck on it. Now the 3 fourteen-year-olds were left with 3 gigantic human-sized crates.

* * *

(1)This is because of the fact that Serena's father is in the mafia which earns her family a steady income and therefore resulting in Serena owning a mansion.


	2. Awesomness, roses and enchiladas

Ch. 2

"Alright….So who do we have?" Asked a slightly dazed Houji.

"Apparently the BTT" Answered Jacob while calmly sipping his earl grey.

"HOLY MERDA(1)!" exclaimed a certain surprised mafioso.

Jacob opened the first manual while Houji went to his swearing corner to cuss about everything in existence.

"Ahem, alright lads, listen up: **ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: User Guide and Manual, **oh sweet, they have clothes, no extra shopping trips. Hmmm, Holy Moly! They can work? Amazing! Apparently there are a few options as to how you wake him up." said Jacob, who backed up and gave the manual to Serena.

"So we can cook Spanish or Mexican food, have other units yell at him, or we can drop-kick a tomato. I'm up for some enchiladas, whaddya say Houji?" said Serena, which made Houji peek out from his cussing corner.

"Well, enchiladas it is, I guess." Said Jacob in an ecstatic tone. "I'll start making it now while you two wake up the others."

"Da, comrade, an" answered Houji.

"**GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: User Guide and Manual, **5 foot 9? Aww man, he's 2 centimetres taller than me. Anyways…. Pouring beer on the lid? Nope, we're not legal yet. Apple strudel? Jake's already making enchiladas. Speaking Russian? Oh, I could do that! I'm half Russian," said Houji.

"Ahem….привет товарищ Гилберт, рад видеть вас снова(2)" said a mischievous Houji.

The box started shaking violently and Serena was then able to open it with a knife that she produced out of thin air. Suddenly, an albino man popped out and started shouting.

"WAHHHHHHHH! BRUDER SAVE ME! IT'S THE UNAWESOME RUSSIAN- wait, you're not Ivan ...but you're a mächen(3)...HOLY SCHEISSE(4) IS THAT A F*CKING KNIFE"

"Gilbert please calm down." said an annoyed Houji (who misses his cussing corner) with bleeding ears due to all the screaming. A yellow bird, a.k.a Gilbird suddenly flew out of the box and landed on Gilbert's head. Due to all the chaos that happened within these 5 minutes, the last box "spoke" with a very heavy French accent.

"Excuse moi, iz anyone 'ere? Gilbert mon ami, I thought I heard you."

"Uhhhh, yeah…. Serena, help him out."

"Fine," said Serena as she flipped her knife in her hands (which earned a small shriek from Gilbert) and headed to the last crate, which (if you haven't guessed yet) Francis was trapped in. She helped him out and Houji emitted his Russian aura before Francis tried anything funny. By now, the sauce started simmering already and finally, the Spaniard awoke because of the heavy scent. Serena repeated the process of helping the units out of the wooden crate/box, which made the onlookers shiver as she handled the knife.

"Hola amigos, haven't seen you in a while. By the way, who's the boy and the chica(5) over here?" asked Antonio, who (fortunately) hadn't noticed the knife in Serena's hands yet.

"Alright, introductions!" announced a beaming Serena, yes a beaming girl with a knife in her hands.

"I am Houji, Houji Ivanov. Russo-Chinese. I can speak Japanese, Russian, English, a bit of Chinese, and some French from school because we're in Canada. That girl over there is Serena Florentino. Spanish-Italian," at this Antonio peeked up."Don't mess with her, her dad's a mafia executive, and I'm positive that she is one as well-" by now the BTT were white as sheets.

"NEVER assume," said Serena

"Well, you're the one commenting on how to correctly kill a man, and you have a F*CKING mafia hat collection!"

"THOSE ARE CALLED FEDORAS, YOU STRONZO(6)" yelled Serena in a surprisingly sweet voice.

"Quiet down, children, don't swear," stated Jacob calmly from the kitchen.

"Whozzat?" asked a confused Prussian.

"Fiiiiine, 'mom'. Anyway, that's Jacob Bélanger, Anglo-French. He's a really good chef, by really good, I mean 3-Michelin-star-good." Francis was amused by this information "And you should go meet him in the ki-" Before Houji even finished that sentence, Gilbert had already tackle-hugged Jacob in the kitchen, with Gilbird tweeting around in circles.

"WOW ANOZHER ALBINO! YOU LOOK LIKE ZHE EMO VERSION OF ZHE AWESOME ME!" Jacob was getting annoyed by the sheer amount of people that had called him emo because of his hair covering one eye

"I WILL OFFICIALLY ADOPT YOU AZ MY AWESOME LIL BRO!" declared an excited Prussian. Poor Jacob, who was still comprehending all this information sat dumbfounded on the ground.

"Don't you need legal documents for that?" asked a still dazed Jake.

"NEIN, you don't need that because of my awesomeness." Answered a smirking Gilbert.

"Bu-"

"NO BUTS, YOU'RE MY BRUDER AND THAT'S FINAL!"

"Uhhhhhh…. Ok...then"

Jacob was still comprehending this fact the entire morning while topping the tortillas for the enchiladas.

"Hola amigo, this smells amazing. When will it be done?" Asked Antonio.

"In about 25 minutes. Let the other 2 show you around the house first," answered Jake who just noticed that all the units are awake.

"Alright~" replied Serena.

They went around the mansion with the BTT in tow, marvelling at everything they see.

"ZEY HAVE A SWIMMING POOL! OOH JACUZZIS, ZATS AWESOME!"

"Mon Dieu, how do you afford all this?"

"As I said, Serena's father is a mafia executive, which explains the richness."

Serena sighed and shot a look at Houji which made him shiver.

"A-anyways, why d-do you guys l-live in the same house?" asked Antonio who somehow got affected by the "look".

"Well, me and Jacob's parents both work under Serena's dad. Not exactly as mafiosos," he sighed, "it's hard to explain."

"Si, this is interesting, my Lovi is also in the mafia (UwU)~"

"Zats some beautiful landscape out zere." Stated Francis who was gazing outside at the surrounding beaches and hills.

"Thank you" responded Serena with a somewhat sadistic looking smile.

"By ze way, 'ow old are you guys?"

"14, all except for Serena."

"HEY! It's only ONE month till I'm 14!"

"One month is still a f*cking long time."

"Hmph."

They conversed "peacefully" - with occasional arguments where Houji and Serena were cussing each other out- for the rest of the time until Jacob announced that brunch was ready.

"I made 12 servings of enchilada and churros!" said Jake cheerfully

"Wait, why 12? There are only 6 people." Asked a confused Spaniard.

"Because, Houji is an endless black hole who will suck up any food put before him, with the exception of Cheetos, carrots, and eggplants," he responded

"Cheetos are perfectly fine," stated Serena with a poker face.

"HOW CAN YOU EAT THAT SH*T! THEY ARE F*CKING DISGUSTING. THEY ARE MUTATED CHEESE FLAVOURED CARROTS! THEY F*CKING FLOAT IN WATER!" screeched a furious Houji.

"Wanna fight?" Serena replied,(somehow) sweetly

"Now, stop the cussing. Serena, table cleanup for dinner. Houji, laundry and cleaning this Saturday." stated Jacob in a stern but motherly voice while both kids groaned and replied with "Ok 'mom'."

"SEE HOW MY AWESOME LIL BRO DEALS WITH HIS UNAWESOME FRIENDS?"

"Take that back before you get a knife shoved down your throat-" said Jacob as Serena was polishing her knife "-well, too late. Serena, don't get physical." This made Gilbert hide behind Jacob while peeing his pants.

"Fine, 'mom'." Huffed Serena, who looked like a 5-year old who was denied candy access.

The group started eating their "awesome" meal, as Gilbert called it. All was silent except for the clinking of utensils until a certain Prussian smirked mischievously.

"FOOD FIGHT!" he announced, and Houji immediately sprang into action.

Just conjure a mental image of what is happening: Tortillas flying everywhere (ofc), the cheesy toppings were smeared over Gilbert and Houji's cheeks, similar to warpaint - the enchiladas were gone in record time. Well, Gilbert and Houji were the ones who were actively participating. Jake and Francis were sobbing over the wasted Spanish food, Antonio seems oblivious to his surroundings even though that it's SPANISH food that's being wasted, the Spaniard and Serena quietly fled to the porch like shadows without anyone noticing and started conversing with a group of passing ants. Jacob finally had enough of this chaos and used his ultra motherly voice. "ENOUGH. Serena, you are excused from dinner cleanup. Gilbert, Houji, you will be responsible for all the chores for 2 months starting from now."

"Awww, but you're my awesome bruder-"

"NO COMPLAINTS, now get to work."

All the other units and humans were too stunned to object or say anything. All except for Houji and Gilbert followed after Serena to the living room to watch Assassination Classroom season 2.

~1.5hour time skip brought to you by crystle pro99~

"PHEW, that was a lot of cleaning up! My little bro acts just like West!"

"Well, I watched the anime and Germany does seem like a germaphobe, just like moma Jacob….WAIT, Jake looks like you but acts like Ludwig, does this mean….." Houji's eyes widened.

" BLIMEY, don't get any ideas. PLEASE." said a flushed Jacob.

"Wow, you sounded just like Angleterre right there, ohonhonhonhon~"

"Well, he IS half British and half French….GASP!" she then stopped and whispered, "_FRUK." _

Houji then activated the other 90 percent of his IQ (which is A LOT) and said, "I'm Russo-Chinese=Rochu, Serena is a Spamano child, she even acts like both, and Jake's a Fruk child…..mostly acts like England though…."

Jacob then intercepted Houji's fanboying and said,

"Uh, I think...we should establish some ground rules in this house, since now that there are 6 of us, with who-knows-how-many-more to come." This got everyone's attention.

"Rule numero un," stated Jacob in French, " No killing, and yes Serena, I'm looking at you."

Serena responded with puppy-dog eyes but Jacob knew better than to look.

"Deux (2 in French), no sneaking food from the fridge in the middle of the night, I need them for cooking." Antonio and Gilbert seemed somewhat disappointed, even Gilbird started to protest by pecking Jake's foot, which he ignored, but Houji just stared at Jacob with a 'whaddya mean?' face, and then stole Serena's puppy-dog eye technique, which Jacob gave in to (because he looked).

"Fine, you can have extra food if you do chores, voluntarily." Houji was not completely satisfied but did a fist-pump anyways.

"Also, just a quick note, I realized that your unit clothes might not be what normal people wear, even though you all have multiple outfits…" the BTT each stared at their own military uniforms, "So, we're going shopping this afternoon…" he cheered and smirked a somewhat Serena-like grin, "_with Houji's allowance._"

Houji then returns his cussing corner to swear.

"And because we have mercy, Serena and Francis, you guys can't buy outrageously expensive knives, clothing (mainly hats for Serena), and beauty products (for the latter) just because you're Italian/French." Francis and Serena sighed, with the latter mumbling

"_Does everyone forget that I'm also Spanish…" _

"No, amiga, I do." said Antonio with a smile, which Serena gratefully returned (but with a more sadistic looking one).

"Ahem, rule numero trois: Because we don't want to cause any complications in and out of public, we will use human names for the units, understand?" Everyone nodded.

"Numero quatre, because this house has housemates that are under 16, please keep things appropriate for us," he shot a nervous glance at Francis before continuing, "Also, I read all of your manuals…..there isn't much I can do for Francis's 'needs'."

"And I will _personally_ do _illegal_ actions if you _harm a single hair on Serena's head _(a.k.a blackmailing the heck out _multiple _of your accounts)" Houji added

"…. but you guys should have IDs for alcohol and driving, right?" The BTT (including a terrified Francis) nodded

"Alright then, I think it'll be convenient for us to have a car-"

"I'll pay, besides, we already use your money for a lot of things." interrupted Serena. Jacob gave a 'see-how-nice-she-is' glare to Houji, which earned him a 'suit-yourself' glare back. Then he continued.

"And as of Gilbert's alcohol problem, we have an ancient mini-fridge in the attic, and we could pick up some beer after the shopping trip."

"See how awesome bruder is?" commented the happy Prussian.

"Enough said, why don't you pick your rooms." said Serena, "I personally recommend Gilbert to room with Jacob for now because we might need room for future housemates." Gilbert responded first with a series of 'woohoo's' and fist-pumps, and Jacob agreed grudgingly. When the BTT started moving their things - which were packed in convenient packages-, Houji and Jake were still glancing at Francis because the first was an overprotective boomer (cuz he's the oldest) and the latter because he's an overprotective mother. The boys started lecturing Serena, but all they got from her was an "Ok boomers."

* * *

(1)Sh*t in Italian

(2)Hello comrade Gilbert, nice to see you again: in Russian

(3)Girl in german

(4)Sh*t in german

(5)Girl in Spanish

(6)Arsehole in Italian

* * *

Special thanks to crystal 99 and mouthwassh for beta-ing this for me, UwU

Jacob and Houji are also based on them. They give pretty good and, uh, interesting ideas.

Sorry if the last chapter had no page breaks and stuff, I was kinda rushing it and this is also my first fanfic…so yea...UwU

PLEASE review, I need more feedback to make things better. My "friends" *coughcough* has already picked the next units that are coming, you could also have suggestions, 2p!, 1p! and chibi are all accepted, special ones like pirate!england and gaul!france are also alright.

SEEYA PEEPS


	3. Turtles, beer and insanity at night

Ch 3

The afternoon was more like a trip to hell and back rather than a shopping trip. The BTT had to use Serena's dad's old clothes or else they'll attract too much attention (it is not every day that you see 3 grown men in historical military uniforms). Then units and the disappointment trio headed to the mall on foot , as it was only a walking distance away. The walk was only around ten minutes, but the "awesome" Gibert complained about how unawesome it was to walk.

"Awwww man, can we get a car already Lil bro?"

"Ever since you met Jacob, every sentence revolves around 'Lil bro'," commented Houji randomly.

"Vhaaaat, he is awesome like me! Plus, valking iz simply not suitable for someone as AWESOME as ME!"

Serena sighed, but before she could even begin her sentence, she was cut short by a nervous Gilbert.

"F-FINE FINE, i-it's a short distance so we can walk. Maybe we'll have an awesome dinner tonight~ Keskeskeskes" said Gilbert as he chuckled nervously because he was obviously scared.

Antonio snickered and whispered to Gilbert,

"_You have great reflexes, mi amigo."_

"_Oui, I agree~honhonhon" _whispered Francis as he joined the conversation.

Antonio then tuned the convo volume up and said,

"Do you think they'll have tomatoes? They remind me of Lovi~"

"Eh? That was random, but to answer your question, yes. The mall has a supermarket in the basement… speaking of which, we certainly do need more food because of all the units." replied Jacob.

~5 minute time skip brought to you by Francis the frog~

"Alright folks, we're h-"

"AWESOME! Iz zhat a Petsmart? We needa get seeds for ma awesome Gilbird!"

" Totally forgot that this was here...okay then, I suppose," said Serena (who secretly adored Gilbird) blandly.

"Oui, I need to get some for Pierre as well."

"What's a Pierre?"

"Mon oiseau (my bird)."

"WAIT YOU HAVE A FREAKING BIRD AS WELL?!"

"Always did, mon ami."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Ok."

As soon as the group entered the store, Gilbert made a mad dash to the bird food aisle while Antonio was transfixed by the turtle tanks.

"Waaa! I want one! Jacob, can we get one? PLEEEEEEASE!" whined Antonio with _sparkling _emerald eyes (yes, a 25-year-old whining at a 14-year-old).

"No, sorry Antonio, but we've already got too much on our han-" said Jacob as he sighed.

"BUUUUUT JACOB! I WANNA HAVE A TURTLE TOOOOO!" said Serena with sparkling, possessive, uh..., blue and yellow eyes.

"Fine, we'll get it after the shopping trip. Don't misbehave with it," replied Jacob as he gave in because he _certainly_ did not want a switchblade at his throat.

"NO! SAVE THE BANANAS" yelled Houji

"…"

"…"

"…"

"THEY'RE GOING EXTINCT BECAUSE OF A DISEASE CALLED PANAMA DISEASE!"

"Oui, while zhat might be true...what does zhis have anyzhing to do with turtles?"

"AHA! Do I get a random point?" asked Houji aesthetically.

"Yes.*sigh*" replied Jacob and Serena simultaneously at the 1.75-meter man-child while Francis and Antonio snickered in the background. After a while, Gilbert finally decides to buy the most expensive bird food, which was organic, low fat, high in fibre, and awesome. Unfortunately, the cost was $48.00 without the tax for 1 bag. Even Jacob felt bad for Houji's wallet, but Houji just smirked because his "allowance" was actually taken from Jake's (poor Jake) bank account _weekly_, due to his excellent hacking skills.

"Hey Houji is there something you need to tell us?" asked a confused Jake.

"No, of course not~~~" replied Houji cunningly, which confused Jacob even more.

They exited the Petsmart with 2 bags of gourmet birds food with Antonio and Serena talking animatedly about what to name the turtle.

"How about 'Holy salted mackerels'?" asked Serena, whose naming skills made everyone internally facepalm.

"Uhh… Snappy?" suggested Antonio who internally cringed at the first suggestion.

"Kiwi-pocky-donut?"

"Frank?"

"Sewage-ninja?"

"Bubbly?"

"Green-Squirtle?"

"Señor Tortuga?"

"Whoozat mean(1)?"

"Uhh... (and I thought you were Spanish but I'm not going to say it in case I get murdered-) Mr. Turtle"

"SI! PERFECTO!" squealed Serena who was having a cuteness-high (she might be a sadist but she's still a 13 year old girl who is a sucker for cute things, not to be sexist or anything).

"Gracias," replied Antonio who was thanking God for not getting murdered.

"Alright lads," said Jake as he tried to gain everyone's attention, " I suggest us to split up into gro-"

"I wanna be with Antonio!" said an enthusiastic Serena, while Antonio sweated nervously.

"Wish granted, you may buy lunch, everyone meets at the front entrance by 4:30 pm, okay?." said Jacob who clearly didn't notice Antonio trembling.

"Yes, sir! I mean- mom!"

"_Adios amigos, see you in the afterlife…" _thought Antonio as he got dragged away from the group by a joyfully skipping Serena.

"ANNNNNNNNND, drumroll, please….I HAVE DECIDED TO GO WITH MY _AWESOME_ BRUDER!"declared an awesome Prussian

"*Gulp* Alright then, that leaves Houji with the _bloody frog,_" said Jake mockingly while trying to sound as much like England as possible. Francis just brought his hands over his heart dramatically and said "Ouch, your words hurt me greatly, mon ami." while wiping away a fake tear.

"It has been decided," announced Jacob. Then, the group split.

~With Antonio and Serena~

Antonio thought, "_So this is what being a doll feels like."_ as Serena chose his outfits for him (Serena has some classy Italian/Spanish-fashion genes from her parents). Just when he was thinking about his life as a barbie, he was interrupted by yet another pile of clothes that were carefully selected by Serena. "_And this is only the 2nd store, this hell isn't even nearly over. Only 1:24 pm? Wowzas, God sure hates me. Still, better try it on, I'll like to be alive when my Lovi comes~" _he thought.

He came out of the change room shortly afterwards in black blazers, a light blue dress shirt, navy trousers and, for some reason, a pinstripe fedora.

"Hmmm..." said Serena, "You look better in brown pants and maybe a lighter shirt…"

"Here, try this on," said Serena as she passed him a pair of khaki pants and a white dress shirt. After he changed, Serena decided to buy that outfit and a few others (which is...quite a lot). Antonio ended up with ⅘ of the bags and had an inner mental breakdown when they arrived at another store…...

~With Jacob and Gilbert~

"Bruder?"

"Yes?"

"I'mmmmmmm huuuuuungryyyyyyyyy-"

"*sigh*, I'm not getting food for you, and It's _your_ fault that you started the food fight and wasted the food-"

"Buuuuuuuuuuuuut I'mmmmmmm huuungryyyy, youuuuuuuu can't let your big bro starve-"

"Fine, *sigh* but only if that will stop you from whining for 3 hours straight."

"AWESOME!" said Gilbert as he marched to the direction which he thought was the food court.

"Uh...the food court's that way, maps are a thing, and we're only getting a LIGHT snack," said Jacob as he pointed in the opposite direction that Gilbert is going.

2 minutes later -

Gilbert obviously didn't listen to Jacob saying that they'll only get a light snack. Jake handed him a $100 bill, and he ran around the entire food court with a tweeting Gilbird in tow. He came back to Jacob in a record time of 6 minutes with 2 cups of bubble tea, a bowl consisting of pineapple, pistachio, banana and cotton-candy gelatos, a box of poutine (YEA CANADA) and slices of pepperoni pizza.

" H-how are you eating a-all this?" asked a horrified Jacob

" B-MPH-CUZ EEM EUFZUM! (because I'm awesome)" replied Gilbert with a mouth full of fries and gravy dripping down his chin.

"How-wait-_what?_" said Jake as he sipped on a taro bubble tea.

Gilbert slowly chews and responds, "BECHUZ EM AUZUM!" in a clearer manner.

"B-because I am awesome? O-ok ..." deciphered Jake who was still terrified by the sheer amount of food Gilbert was eating.

"_At least he is not half as bad as Houji…." _thought Jacob as he was reminded of the time Houji was challenged to eat 69 Big-Macs by a classmate on a field trip in grade 5. Somehow, he succeeded. Jacob was still paralyzed in his seat as Gilbert continued his "light snack".

~ With Houji and Francis ~

Houji found a new cussing corner in a French beauty products shop as Francis proceeded to court three saleswomen simultaneously as dozens of sparkles and roses appeared in the background. Houji scrunched his nose at all the fragrance from all the products. "_Gosh, I'm getting dizzy" _thought Houji as he suddenly remembered that he has fragrance sensitivity. He watched as Francis was finally done flirting with every lady in the shop and checked out some skincare products and lotions. They came out with two small bags and 5 random ladies' numbers. Houji took a deep breath as they exited the store, feeling thankful for the fresh air outside.

"Just WHY do you have to flirt with _every _living thing in existence…." said Houji as he swore more.

"It iz called strategy, mon ami~"

"Eh?"

"I was doing this for you, so we could get a discount." Francis sighed.

"OH." responded Houji as 90% of his IQ came back again.

~ 4:30 pm ~

Serena and Antonio were the last to arrive at the front door of the mall.

"Where's Tonio?" asked Gilbert

"And that's a LOT of bags" stated Jake as he noticed the 10 bags slung onto Serena's arms.

Finally, they notice Antonio trailing 6 meters behind with five times the bags.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Didn't I say no exceedingly expensive clothes, Serena?" asked Jacob who was using his stern motherly voice.

"Objection," stated Serena cunningly, "All these clothes are for Antonio, and your statement was only directed at me and Francis, so your argument does not stand."

Jacob gave in because he, - scratch that-, NOBODY, has been ever able to defeat Serena in an argument while she was in debate mode.

"Fine then, have it your way lass, but you'll have to drop off all our stuff while we go to the supermarket." said an annoyed Jake. Serena eagerly agreed while Antonio was loaded with more bags. "_Oh Dios..." _he thought while he and Serena left the party.

"We need to do some more grocery shopping to fill the fridge because _somebody had to waste all the food_," said Jake as Houji and Gilbert chuckled/sweated nervously.

~ At the supermarket with Gilbert (and Gilbird), Francis, Houji and Jake ~

" AH, YES ~KESKESKESKES!" yelled Gilbert enthusiastically while sliding across the supermarket floor with 5 types of different sausages/wurst in his arms. He danced in front of the processed meat aisle and carefully scanned through the sausage section, and suddenly, a pack of Beyond-Meat sausages caught his eyes. He was just about to grab for them when someone behind him yelled,

"**FOR THE LOVE OF MUSHROOMS, DO NOT **_**EVER **_**TOUCH THOSE CURSED THINGS! THEY COMPLETELY F*CKING DESTROY YOUR TASTE-BUDS AND THAT SH*T TASTES LIKE THE PRODUCT OF CROSSBREEDING BETWEEN F*CKING CARROTS AND E****GGPLANTS!**" Turns out it was Houji (why am I not surprised). The yelling-lecture continued while parents behind them were covering their poor children's ears and sending them glares worthy of superman's lasers. After hearing this information Gilbert decides to **YEET** that Beyond-Meat sh*t back in the freezer (his expression rivalled the look on Houji's face when consuming eggplants) and gets dragged away by Jacob. Jake's expression was absolutely priceless as he noticed the 5 packs of sausages in Gilbert's arms (little did he know that he was the one who was actually paying all of this).

"WHAT in the world are you thinking? Eating such a tremendous amount of meat will add an unhealthy amount of cholesterol and saturated fats to your diet and therefore giving you a higher chance of getting heart attacks and strokes!"

"But I'm a robot-" stated Gilbert while Gilbird hid in Houji's hair.

"Wow Houji, your hairstyle looks gay," commented Gilbert randomly (and awesomely). Just like how Jake is frustrated with the sheer amount of people are calling him emo, Houji was just as tired of people calling his hairstyle gay because he cuts it himself. The said person with the gay hairstyle then proceeds to find a cussing corner in the dairy aisle.

"GILBERT BEILSCHDMIT, don't you try to change the topic," said Jake in a terrifying gentlemanly-motherly voice as he continues to lecture Gilbert on having a balanced diet. They bought potatoes because that's the only "vegetable" that Gilbert would eat.

~ 1 hour time skip brought to you by mouthwassh ~

The group met up again with Serena and Antonio at the LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario) in the mall and proceeded to buy alcohol for the adults. Only the BTT got in because the other 3 were too young. Gilbert then started hoarding crates upon crates of German beer into the small shopping cart that was lent to them, the reason being that "they are the most awesome beer and are superior to all other beers". Francis handpicked two bottles of French wine and then started flirting with 2 wine saleswomen. Antonio also decides to buy wine and picked a bottle of 7-year old Italian wine, supposedly for his "Lovi".

The trio exited the store satisfied, especially Francis, who gained 7 ladies' numbers within one day.

They went back to Petsmart for Señor Torguta and bought him, which made both Spaniards bounce around. They then went to a small French bistro for dinner, where they had a baguette war, yes, a baguette war. Francis managed to get 2 more numbers from the waitresses as the restaurant, bringing the total to 9.

~ Time skip to when they get back ~

"ZAT WAS AN AWESOME DINNER" bellowed Gilbert right when he stepped through the door.

"Well, it wasn't as insane as I thought it'll be, but it's still not a normal day," said Serena.

"Let's wash up and get ready for bed. Gilbert you're on the top bunk," stated Jake

"AWESOME!"

"Oui~ let us get going." Houji and Jake glared at him weird after saying it.

"Si amigos."

~11 pm ~

Serena was blissfully asleep, dreaming about whatever she is dreaming about, while making suspicious stabbing actions with her right arm, like the good girl she is. Next door, Antonio was snoring lightly with Señor Torguta on his face while dreaming about planting tomatoes with his "Lovi" in a beautiful field made out of...enchiladas?!.

Francis had borrowed Houji's old Microsoft computer and went on incognito mode to...satisfy himself… Down the hall, Houji was happily trolling a government website with a stupid sh*it eating grin on his face. After a while he got bored of copying and pasting Nyan Cats and turds to the website and photoshopping UwU's onto government official's faces (he has a similar attention span to the potatoes Gilbert grows), so he 'hacked' into his old computer to see what Francis was up to. His face quickly turned pale as the screen lit up... showing a My Little Pony episode. He quickly takes a screenshot... for future blackmail purposes.

Meanwhile in Jacob/Gilbert's room…

"Bruder, if you spill cleaning supplies, are you making a mess?"

"..."

"Aren't lasagne pasta cakes?"

"..."

"Aren't all fruits round? Why is the banana long?"

"SAVE THE BANANAS" erupted from down the hall, while Serena's room lit up and the sound of creaking doors could be heard, followed by a loud 'THUD' that could possibly be the sound of a knife lodging itself into the wall, followed by the sound of Houji screeching like an emu being assaulted by machine guns.

"..."

"Why did Norwegians literally translate "The Fault In Our Stars" into "F*ck Destiny"

"..."

"Would the communist version of pokemon be called "Pokemon Hammer and Sickle"?

"..."

"Would Corona beer kill the coronavirus because it's alcohol?"

"..."

"Pigs live for an average of 8 years, Peppa Pig was made in 2004, we're in 2020. Is Peppa Pig immortal?"

"..."

"If 'This sentence is false', then is this sentence true or false?"

"..."

"Why does 'ananas' mean 'pineapple' in French instead of 'banana'?"

"..."

"Why are we alive?"

"…"

Slowly and painfully, Jake's brain cells perished one by one. As his brain cells died, he began to deteriorate as well. Houji also learned to be careful not to yell anything this time before he finds himself half beheaded.

~ The next morning ~

This time, the delivery man knew to come later when Jacob finished his tea. He needed to drink a lot to be able to recover that much brain cells lost during the night *cough* Gilbert *cough*.

"Please sign here." said the delivery man as Jacob scribbled his initials onto the piece of paper. The delivery man vanished just as quickly as he came and left them with a box smaller than last time…

* * *

(1)Even though Serena is half Spanish, she knows nothing of the language because she's raised in the middle of Rome.

* * *

Thank you to crystle 99 and mouthwassh for beta-ing this again

I AM LEAVING YOU WITH CLIFFHANGERS...MUAHAHAHA...anyways... some -scratch that- 90% of the cancerous things in this chapter are what Crystle_pro99, mouthwassh and I discuss/do/see on Pinterest every day. Be prepared for more upcoming monstrosity.

**REMINDER: PLEEEASE review, I AM CRAVING FOR REVIEWS...lolz**

**anyways, you can also submit some unit suggestions in your review, and it's not 100% guaranteed, but most likely, your unit will be included in future chapters.**

**BAI~**


	4. Smol boi?

Ch 4

"Ебать (f*ck)" stated Houji as he returned to his favourite cussing corner again.

"They won't ever give us a break, eh?" sighed Serena.

"WHO IZ IT BRUDER! I WANNA KNOW! ~KESKESKESKES" screeched Gilbert at the top of his lungs.

"Mon ami, why iz the box so petite (small)?"

Jake then replied with,

"A chibi unit?..." as he had a staring contest with the manual in his hands.

"Who who who who who-" asked an enthusiastic Serena.

"Raivis Galante...lemme think…" said Jacob as he started to activate the cancerous Hetalia Fandom part of his brain, "...AH! CHIBI LATVIA!"

Serena started to get excited because of her love of chibis and cute stuff in general.

"Speak Russian and he'll respond fearfully, speak Estonian and Lithuanian and he'll be friendly...Houji, you're up." said Jake, which forces Houji out of his cussing corner.

"Fine~ здравствуйте (hello)"

"M-mr. R-russia?" questioned a shrill voice from inside the box.

"Nope, you're safe...maybe~" said Houji in a cheerful tone, because he just loves scaring people with his Russianess. Serena then gently sliced open the top of the crate, which revealed a trembling 3-4 year old with sandy blond hair.

"AWWWW" erupted from Serena who is currently having a cuteness-high.

"Amigos, don't we need baby supplies now?"

"Eh?" said the disappointment trio simultaneously, with a toddler version of Latvia clinging onto Serena's shirt.

"We speak from personal experience, non (no)?"

"Si, I took care of Lovi, Gilbert did the same with little Ludwig, and Francis took care of Matthew."

"So what are we supposed to do? We're only 14…"

" ….Babies R Us is at the mall. We might as well get a car from the dealership across from it. Speaking of which, we also have to go to Ikea. This house has a lot of rooms, but 90% is empty, save for a few dressers and rugs. No beds. replied Jake, who had activated his motherly senses.

"Buuuuut I don't think we have enough money to buy 20 beds, baby stuff and a car even if we put our money all together…." said Houji.

"Well, drastic times call for drastic measures." said Serena as she dialled a number onto _the telephone_ (her parents didn't allow her to have a phone because she's 14, but for some reason she's allowed a credit card)

"Hey who're ya callin'?" asked a curious Prussian.

"Mi papa, our financial supporter."

"..."

"..."

"SERENA NO!"

"Why not?"

"LAST TIME YOU CALLED HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A MISSION, AND WE LITERALLY HAD TO HEAR GUNSHOTS FROM THE PHONE!" The BTT stared at the trio in disbelief.

"But that's the only time I forgot, and I can reassure you that the Milan mission starts next week, so he's probably still chilling in Turin."

*BEEP…BEEP...BEEP...BEE-*

"Ciao? Roberto Florentino speaking." said an accented voice from the telephone.

"Ciao papa!"

"Ah, hello Mio caro, how are you?"

"Great! Well… I was wondering if we could borrow some money?"

"Perché (why)?"

"Uhh… we got new… friends who are new to this place...and they're staying with us… and the 2 guest bedrooms are kinda not enough so we need more beds..."

"Say no more, but I am surprised that you 3 managed to get actual friends after all these years."

"PAPA! It's not like we have social anxiety! _Well...Jake is anti-social but that's beside the point."_

"*_snicker* _Ok Bambina, I'll send Jake the money later, say hi to those two for me. Ciao~"

"Ok, ok. Ciao." said Serena sarcastically. At this the line went dead.

*BEEP*

"~There it iz." said Francis who was hovering over Jake's phone.

~ At the mall (again) ~

"So we're here again?"

"Ja, looks like it."

"Babies R Us is upstairs, after this we're going to the car dealership-" said Jake who got interrupted by an awesome Prussian.

"WOOHOO!" cheered Gilbert who was celebrating the fact that his awesome foot would not be in pain anymore. They then arrived at the store, where they then proceeded to buy baby supplies. Houji, Serena and Raivis were in the diaper aisle. Serena attempted to grab a pack that was too high up, Houji then proceeded to grab it for her.

"Drink sum mulk, chibi (1) !" he mockingly commented.

"SHADDUP! I'm 14 and still growing!"

"Correction, _13 _and still growing."

Serena made a sadistic face and grabbed for the knife in her thigh belt, however, Jacob's motherly instincts were tingling and popped out just in time to stop the (probably bloody) scene that would have unfolded.

"Not in front of the child, please." said Jacob hastily, pointing at the chibi Latvia napping in Serena's other arm.

"Fine." Huffed both Serena and Houji.

_Meanwhile in the toys aisle_

As usual, the BTT were not refraining themselves from f*cking sh*t up.

"Yo Francis, doesn't this frog look like you?" commented Gilbert who was pointing at a rattle with a frog imprinted on it. Francis just replied with a sigh and continued flirting with another saleswoman, again.

"Doesn't this look like Señor Tortuga?" asked Antonio with a turtle plush in one hand and Señor Tortuga in the other, whom he somehow smuggled in. The trio then started an argument on which animal is superior; the turtles won, for good. Unfortunately, all the bickering woke little Raivis up. He started staring at Houji fearfully, and Serena started glaring at Houji. Houji was completely oblivious of the fact that Ravis was scared of him and the dark aura he was emitting, he was _very _confused.

"Houji, stop that, you're scaring the kid."

"Stop what? I can't breathe?"

"THAT." sighed Serena as she pointed to a purple cloud that was surrounding Houji.

"Oh. _When did that happen…"_

"Mama?"

"Say that again?"

"Mama!"

"Look here kid, you can call me whatever you want, but I'm not your mama,* _points to Jacob in the stroller aisle*, _he is…"

"O-ok, big sister?"

"Good Raivis."

~In the stroller aisle~

*ACHOO*

"Am I catching a cold?" Jacob asked himself.

~ 15 minutes later ~

The group exited the store with some gains. Ravis was happily skipping with a new teddy bear in his hands, with the BTT carrying other bags because, according to Jake they trolled around too much, according to Jake. Much to Jake's bewilderment (and annoyance), Ravis started calling him 'mom'.

"Mama, can we get ice cweam?

"Uh...ok I guess, lad. After we go to the dealership."

"Bwut I want it now mama."

He walked over to Serena and asked, "What did you do to him?"

"~Ufufufu, nothing~"

"Alright lad, we'll get some at Ikea. Be a good boy until then."

"Ok mama."

~ At the dealership ~

The Honda dealership had quite a large selection of cars, for the BTT + Houji, Serena and Raivis to play in of course, while Jacob was the only one actually trying to pick a car.

"57, 58, 59, 60! Ready or not here I come! ~Keskeskes! I'll find them in no time!" declared Gilbert. He was absolutely petrified when a purple cloud slowly oozed out from a car behind him.

" P-pipe creep! C-come out w-wherever you a-are! The awesome m-me is t-totally not a-afraid of y-you!" Houji, who was actually under the car died trying to not laugh while peeing his pants. Then, Prussia realized that they actually don't have Russia yet.

"HOUJI! The awesome me knows where you are! Reveal yourself or prepare for trouble! And make it double! To protect the world from devastation! To unite all peoples within our nation! To denounce the evils of truth and love! To extend our reach to the stars above! Gilbert! Gilbird! Team Awesome blasts off at the speed of light! Surrender now, or prepare for awesomeness!"

*PEEP (from Gilbird)*

"That's right!" by now, Houji was laughing so hard that he was choking on air and looked like he just chopped 5 tons of onions.

"F-fine! D-did you just q-quote Pok-kemon?" questioned Houji in between fits of laughter as he rolled out from under a Honda Civic.

"JA! Now behold my awesomeness!" said Gilbert as he did a superhero pose.

Unbeknownst to them both, this entire scene was filmed by Antonio, who was hidden in a bush (how cliche, and where the f*ck did he find a bush at a car dealership).

"Now I will look for another unawesome victim! Houji, you'll be my awesome-but-not-as-awesome-as-me-sidekick!" and just like that, the idiot duo set off to find more 'victims'. They found Francis quite easily because he was flirting with the receptionist at her desk.

"One more victim found by ze mighty and awesome Gilbert!"

"Mon Dieu (my God)..."

"~Keskeskes"

"_Ебать... _Gilbert, stop that unholy screeching sound, possessing the power to force emus to lay eggs that hatch into mutated cows."

The almighty Prussian spun around and caught a hint of red behind a bush.

"Hmmm...Tonio that's so cliche." he said as he headed towards the red lump behind the bush and patted it on its shoulder.

"Haha amigo, you found me~"

"Ja! Now, all we have left are the brat and the girl, I bet $10 that they are together!"

" I bet another $10 that they are not!" exclaimed Antonio.

"Deal!"

"And I bet that you can never find her. I know this from experience." said Houji.

~ Meanwhile on the rooftop ~

Serena had picked the lock that was on a door which said 'Employees only'. Now she and Raivis are chilling on the rooftop playing tic-tac-toe with a random rock because she gained access to the stairs. The current score is 2 to 7, the smaller number being Ravis' wins against Serena.

~ In the parking lot ~

The group was already done searching 360 degrees through every car, plant, desk, banner and whatever else you have inside a car dealership building, with no luck at all. They then went to the parking lot and searched under every car and bush there is, but still got nothing. For the 3rd time in this fanfiction, Houji activated the other 90% of his logic and IQ. He decided to hack into the security system and succeeded with little effort. Everyone was huddled around Houji's phone screen as he worked his technology magic. They did find a short clip of Serena and Raivis going behind a wall, but the cameras that were supposed to be behind the wall were disconnected (possibly knifed by Serena).

"Typical Serena doings." sighed Houji.

"At least I get my $10 for saying that they are together," said Gilbert triumphantly as Antonio scanned his wallet and eventually found a $10. Everyone was forgetting the fact that Jake was the one who gave them the money (poor Jake).

"I give up."

"We all do."

"Ok, we all scream this and she will come out: Serena, we surrender to you, the mighty God of hide and seek, we shall pledge allegiance to you and serve you humbly as your faithful servants," said Houji, and for some reason, no one found that weird

"In 3...2...1..."

"SERENA~ WE SURRENDER TO YOU, THE MIGHTY GOD OF HIDE AND SEEK, WE SHALL PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO AND SERVER YOU HUMBLY AS YOUR FAITHFUL SERVANTS."

~ On the rooftop ~

"AHAHAHA, Raivis, do you hear the peasant's pleading screams? I shall satisfy them and bless them with my presence." cackled Serena sarcastically. At that, she plopped down an old ladder that she found in the stairway and climbed down with Raivis hanging onto her for dear life.

"There she iz," said Francis while Serena jumped in front of them.

"I WIN, wait, I mean WE, me and Raivis! Let's see… Houji, Jake and I have a treaty. Basically the winner gets the others to be his/her servants for the day. So, you 4 are serving me and Raivis for the day!"

" Mein Gott…"

"My head hurts just thinking about all the torture we'll be through…"

"Oui."

"Lads, we got our car!" said Jake who came out of nowhere.

"*Series of excited 'yes' in different languages.*"

"What model?"

"Honda CRV"

"AWESOME, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS ME ~KESKESKES"

"Now who's driving-"

"THE AWESOME ME OF COURSE!"

"..."

"..."

"No more nominations?"

"Da...Looks like Gilbert's driving…"

* * *

(1) Free cookie if u get the reference, UwU

* * *

Thx Crystle 99 and Mouthwassh for beta-ing dis again.

I might, a) be lazy and sleep in 24/7, or, b) write like a madman for the next 14 days cuz it's the march-break. *WHOOHOO*

The choice of recommending a character is still up if you **REVIIEW.**

**UwU**

**:}**

**BAI~**


	5. Furnitures and Scandihoovians

~ In the car ~

"GREAT SCOTT! GILBERT CLOSE THE BLOODY WINDOWS."

"CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER MY AWESOMENESS!"

"Holy f*ckin piece of d*mn emu sh*t that dropped out of a f*ckin waffle-sucking arse. Let me get my f*cking sleep you pompous anus sock of the motherf*cking stale diarrhea leaking communist party. F*cking turd sockets." cursed Houji as more multilingual profanities that you can ever possibly imagine spewed out of his mouth even smoother than water going down a stream.

"NOT in front of the kid, Houji. You can have your cussing corner anywhere else." Despite how calm Jake appeared on the outside, he was actually very mentally horrified at whatever the f*ck turd sockets are supposed to be.

"Fine…_ fan-f*ckin-tastic" _said Houji as he whispered the last part.

Despite all the chaos going on, Raivis was asleep like a rock in his new car seat with his teddy bear in his hands, squashed next to Serena who was ready to pull a knife out anytime because she was next to Francis. The Frenchman had a smug look on his face and was sitting next to Antonio who was a turtle magnet. He somehow manages to get 4 other turtles, who definitely weren't Señor Tortuga, stuck on him. Houji was whisper-swearing into a makeshift cussing corner as the wind blew his hair right into his eyes.

He thanked the LORD (as in LORD of mushrooms) when a yellow and blue Ikea flag came into view because the highway to hell (of floating Cheetos) will soon be over.

They picked an ideal parking spot that was the closest to the entrance.

"Thank goodness, we are actually fudging here." said Houji as they arrived at the entrance. He learnt to sensor the swears so that Jake wouldn't unleash his rage on him.

"Mama, I want Ice cweam."

"Ok then, why don't you have Serena take you there because Houji is a bad influence."

"Ok mama." concluded Raivis as he and Serena headed to the mini food court.

"I WANNA GO TOO MOM-" declared Houji as Jake shoved a foil-wrapped sandwich into his face.

"Don't think that I haven't prepared for this." sighed Jake as the BTT filmed the entire thing on camera. Houji sighed in defeat and trudged into the Ikea with the grace of an obese mutated cow. They then entered with every strand of dignity that they could muster on the spot, which was just enough to appear sane in public. Gilbert and Houji decide to take some paper rulers, and the idiot duo whipped them around like madmen. Jake also took one, but to actually measure because he came prepared with their house's measurements.

"Uhh… alright, we're getting at least 6 more people, and let's face it: there's a 90% chance that we're getting more….so, i'd say 10 beds and some other bed accessories?"

"..."

"..."

"If ze cashier callz a mental asylum, it iz not my fault." stated Francis.

"Wait what? We're going to a mental asylum? Waaaaa~ I don't wanna go!" wailed a desperate Antonio, whom Gilbert successfully calmed a few minutes later.

"Fine, but we're still getting 10 beds. Besides, I guess I haven' told you this, but we're only here to check out the models because we can't haul a mountain of beds home, we'll need quite a few Hulks for that (and I don't trust the models online). I'll order the actual stuff online, but I think we can handle some blankets and pillows at least." said Jacob.

"Oh." erupted from the other 4 males around him, who all apparently have the same amount of IQ as the potatoes that Gilbert bought the day before. The trip was somewhat a success. I say somewhat because Antonio managed to have a tea party with a few kids in the toys section due to his turtles (save the turtles). Gilbert also got dragged in because the kids were all squealing over Gilbird, and he agreed to let them pet him because of his 'awesomeness'. Francis, of course, was flirting with employees and gaining even more random people's numbers. Houji wanted to 'test' the beds and slept on every one of them. He refused to wake up on the last one until Jacob promised that he'll buy Swedish meatballs later. After long hours of waiting for Houji to finish testing every sofa and chair, and the BTT pretending that they live there (including Antonio singing Macarena in the perfectly dry shower, Francis inspecting the cookware and Gilbert trying to build an awesome fort on a children's bunk bed, the reason that they didn't get caught by employees is unknown to humanity), they arrived at the cash they bought were 19 packs of Swedish meatballs (Houji's doing, duh), a f*cking huge load of pillows and queen sized blankets. Yes, true victory indeed. The cashier had quite a scare when two albino guys, a guy covered in turtles, a guy with weird hair bangs and a guy who was literally surrounded with sparkles and roses came up with 19 packs of Swedish meatballs and a mountain of pillows and blankets.

"Uh..s-sirs do you need a bag?"

"Yes, a few, please."

The cashier took a deep breath and started packing along with the Frenchman and the ½ Frenchman, because they are gentlemen. When they arrived at the food court, they were met with a sight that chilled their spine (for Francis and Jake, at the least). Raivis had apparently finished his ice cream and had moved on to a box of cinnamon rolls. You might be wondering what's wrong with that, well, let me reveal to you the horrifying details: The cinnamon roll was covered in mustard and ketchup, and Raivis wolfed it down as if it was the best thing he had ever tasted. Serena sat next to him as calmly as ever and chewed on her own (normal, phew…) cinnamon roll.

"Sacre bleu, what is this monstrosity…" exclaimed Francis dramatically.

"BLOODY HELL! THIS RUBBISH LOOKS JUST AS GOOD AS HOUJI'S ATTEMPT AT MICROWAVED SPAGHETTI!" shouted Jacob, who was experiencing mental trauma just thinking about that one time Houji tried to 'cook'. That incident was to be never spoken of, and the trio decided to carry it to their graves.

"Calm down signore (mister), the ragazzo (boy/kid) likes it, plus it's not like it's strychnine. _And microwaved spaghetti should be illegal._" said Serena casually while wiping a dark-orange goop off of Ravis' hand with a napkin. Serena and Ravis were not being very good role models because seconds afterwards, Antonio, Houji and Gilbert each took a cinnamon roll and started loading it with even more dreadful condiments (relish, mayo, you name it), while Jacob huddled up with Francis for moral support. This resulted in the great Battle of the Cinnamon Buns, where everyone was comparing their equally horrendous 'food'. Soon, the topic miraculously changed and now everyone is talking about who is a cinnamon roll.

"I AM THE MOST AWESOME CINNAMON ROLL EVER!" proclaimed the awesome and mighty Gilbert while taking a bite from his 'awesome' cinnamon roll covered in pretty much every condiment in existence.

"Correction, do you mean _**Sinnamon**__ roll?_" suggested Francis, who has almost recovered from his mental trauma. Key word, _almost. _This ended in a lot of bickering with both German and French profanities thrown into it. Jake had to break them apart with the power of his words, more specifically, "_One more word and you do the laundry on Sunday." _The gang was ushered out by Jake into their car, which became quite stuffy due to all the people and extra luggage, even though frozen meatballs are cold.

~ 30 minutes of chaos later ~

The gang went inside the house as soon as they arrived, with the teenage/adult male population carrying either Swedish meatballs or bedware while Serena and Ravis watched them suffer from the sidelines with only a box of cinnamon rolls to carry.

"You know," said Gilbert to Serena, "you only need a whip to complete the look of a slave supervisor from Ancient Egypt."

"No comment."

They all uttered some sort of prayer to the deity of air conditioners as they entered the comfort of the house (yes, it can be hot in Canada). Jake organized everyone into doing a task, with him and Antonio making dinner, Gilbert and Houji choosing a bed from one of the rare furnished guest rooms to move to Serena's room (for Raivis), and Serena and Francis going online to pick some beds for the unfurnished rooms.

"What y'all want for dinner?" asked Jacob.

"Anything." muttered Francis and Serena simultaneously.

"Ketchup chips-" said Houji from one of the guest bedrooms.

"-with chocolate fudge ice cream." continued Gilbert from the same room.

"You can't have 'em for dinner, you ninnies! Plus, we ran out of ice cream last week."

Jake sighed as he scanned the contents of the fridge "_Thank God we have a large freezer, or else we will never be able to put 19 packs of Swedish meatballs in…" _he thought. Antonio squatted down beside him and stared intensely at the contents as well. Both of their eyes landed on a bag of frozen haddock.

"How 'bout some fish and chips? My specialty."

"... I know that you make good Spanish food...but I cannot trust a British cooking British food, amigo…"

"Nah, I know you have your doubts but Houji and Serena are well and alive, they've pretty much been eating my food since middle school. 2 years is a long time."

"Ok… It looks like this will be the first time I'll be eating good British food! Someone go get the Genius World record people!" laughed Antonio.

"Pssh, I never thought you'd be the one making dad jokes."

"Oh well, EMPECEMOS (let's begin)!"

"Aye, sir!"

~ With Gilbert and Houji ~

"I'm too AWESOME for help!" said Gilbert while stuck in the tiny bed frame, "We just need to loosen this unawesome screw!"

"Is downloading Ikea furniture instructions online illegal? Well, too late for that."

"Zhe question is HOW do you even find them online?"

"I've got my sources."

"Ja...I'm not going to question anything...even if it's illegal"

"Do you want to get out of the bed frame or not."

"Fine."

Houji then holds his phone up to take a picture of Gilbert for future blackmail purposes, while pretending that he was just reading on his phone.

~ With Francis and Serena (and Raivis) ~

"This one looks like a unicorn got diarrhea and pooped all over it," said Serena as she inspected a photo of a bed on the IKEA website.

"I am not zhe one for metaphors, but that is a little overwhelming. You said that this room has olive green walls, non? Then this one will suit it..."

~ Dinner time~

"Ok, no food destroying this time. Appreciate the meal." said Jacob.

"Of course, mom." deadpanned everyone as anime tic marks began appearing on Jake's forehead at the speed of light.

*DING DONG*

"Eh? Woos 't n'w (who's it now)?" asked Gilbert while stuffing fries (or chips, depending on who you ask) into his mouth in a very disturbing manner."

"I don't know, is it another addition to Houji's overflowing figurine collection?" stated Serena.

As the door opened, Jacob let out an audible gasp.

"AGAIN? Didn't you just deliver Raivis this morning?"

"The boss said that since you're a relatively new customer, we'll send some more as gifts."

"What do you mean by _some_ more…" said Jacob as he peeked behind the mailman, "WAIT, 5? Are you sure that you're delivering ALL of them to us?"

"Well, yes. Please sign this."

Jacob sighed in defeats as he signed the papers. The delivery man bid his farewells and went off, with 5 human-sized boxes on the porch.

"Who is it?"

"Let me see...Ah, the Nordics. At least most of them are sane-"

"Aww, are you saying that the awesome me is not sane? Lil Bro?"

"Well….it really depends on the circumstance."

"Let's just activate 'em first." said Francis hastily to change the subject.

"Alright, alright. Is there a way to trigger their activation, like in a chain? I really don't feel like doing 5 different activation methods."

"In Berwald's manual, it says that he will be activated if Tino's awake. Also, Matthias' says that he will wake up if Berwald does...so I guess Lukas will wake up after him, and then Emil will too!"

"Oh well, that's convenient. So, how do we activate Finland?"

"Uh, you can play Scandinavian heavy metal, get a Sealand unit, get out the Hanamato unit, or cook , umm… blod-plat-ar?" replied Serena.

"Blodplättar, Finnish blood pancakes. We might as well get settled with the heavy metal music, seems like the easiest."

"Cover your eardrums," said Gilbert, "if you want to wake Tino up with heavy metal music, you need to turn it onto max volume. Zheriously, once the dude fell asleep listening to it, ztill can't wrap my head around how he does that."

"Alright, we'll take precautions. Someone search something up on Youtube."

"On it," said Houji, "on the count of 3, 2, 1…"

* * *

Sorry for the late update, just getting lazy because of all the quarantine stuff. Anyways, what nonsense will go on in the next chapter? Stay tuned...

Stay safe and wash your hands~


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